My Grandma was a jolly, fun woman who loved to laugh. When I was in my second year of university, she was in her 90s, and her health failed. Dementia began to set in. She could no longer live alone in her apartment.

Mom brought Grandma to live with her. But Mom was still teaching, supporting me at university as well as herself, and couldn't stay home to look after Grandma.

In an age when women did not work outside the home, my mother had been raised to feel it was shameful to send one's aging relatives away to a "home" to be cared for by strangers. Good, decent descendants took their kin in and cared for them at home. A string of women paraded through our house, hired by my mother to stay with Grandma while Mom was at work. They repeatedly got better jobs, failed to show up, called in sick just before Mom left for work... It was a nightmare for my mother.  Finally, she had to admit defeat--failure, I'm sure she called it to herself, though no one else did--and place Grandma in a nursing home. She visited her there every day, and I visited her whenever I was home from University.

Here's a picture of my Grandma on her 100th birthday shortly before she passed away.

What I remember about all this, is my Mother's heartache over Grandma's failing health, the look on her face as she watched Grandma, nodding off in the armchair in the living room after dinner. I watched Mom knitting the shrug Grandma's wearing in this photo, late at night as we watched TV before bed, and the image stayed with me - of Mom trying to ward off the cold of Grandma's approaching death.  I wrote:

MENDING

You watch her
wearing her last days,
and late at night
I hear you
scrubbing, patching, darning
the worn fabric
of her years.

Again tonight
while she nodded in shadows,
your troubled eyes
examined her
seeking the fault
in your mending.

 


Comments

10/25/2012 1:18am

Beautiful poem. The fabric metaphor works so well.

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10/25/2012 2:09am

Thanks, Joy. And thank you for your constancy in this challenge. Someday, I'd love to meet you. Now, I'm on my way to visit your site and catch up on your posts!

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10/27/2012 5:15pm

Oh, Jane Ann--this one has me in tears. The poem is lovely, and the memory of your grandmother strikes home. As you know from my posts, I grew up in the house with my maternal grandparents. My granddad died when I was quite young, but my grandmother lived on, and on. In fact, she outlived my mother, who was on the verge of giving up trying to care for her at home when she herself became very ill with cancer. A place in the nursing home opened up while my mother was hospitalized (her last days), and she just couldn't bring herself to make the decision. So it fell to me to move my grandmother after my mother died. I was living three hours away, divorced, teaching, with two sons still at home. It was an awful solution, but it was the only one I could make. My grandmother lived nine years after my mother's death, a sadness she never got over. She never forgave me, either, for being the one to uproot her. Thanks for sharing this poignant story and giving me a chance to tell this part of mine. We have this in common, too. (Plus, I noticed a September birthday mentioned in another post!)

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10/27/2012 7:19pm

Gerry, I'm so sorry for what you went through - losing your mother, receiving your grandmother's anger, and all at a time when you, yourself needed to be supported, not to be the one supporting everyone else and making the hard decisions. I wish I could give your younger self a huge hug.
What a strong and and amazing person you are, and what a wonderful, if hard, and maybe even unfair, final gift you gave your mother - to be the one to move your Grandma into a home, so your mom didn't have to.
I have been noticing, too, how much we have in common as this challenge has been progressing.

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10/31/2012 1:39pm

I love the poem! I am living through this now with my grandmother and mother. My Mamaw will turn 90 on her birthday and my mother 70. Mom bought the house next door to the one she grew up in to move her mother into when she needed to be closer, and although she complains everyday about the task of taking care of her mother I know she wouldn't ahve it any other way. Her older brother has very little to do with his mother, sadly. The time fast approaches where I will be in those shoes and I live 8 hours away, right now, maybe further when time comes. I am impressed with the group of ladies you have doing this challenge. =)

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Jane Ann McLachlan
10/31/2012 3:23pm

Thanks, Todd. Wow! Strong women in your family! I've enjoyed getting to know you. Good luck with NaNo. I hope to meet you on it. Somehow. Not really sure how it works, yet.

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