For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Reflection:
What is the difference between happiness and joy? Which would you rather have if you had to choose?


Memoir Prompt:
Think of a time when you knew you were happy. Think of a time when you experienced sudden, piercing joy. Describe them in detail.

Last September I set myself an Autumn Challenge - to have a manuscript accepted by an agent or publisher by Christmas. It was a very ambitious goal. I made it public. And then I worked like crazy to make it happen.

I sent out queries. September passed. I attended a writers' conference and pitched my novel and my memoir. October passed. I edited my novel (again) and sent out more queries. November passed. I followed up on the agent queries, and sent a proposal for a short story collection to a publisher. December... passed. I didn't reach my goal.

When I set my goal, my rational was, "Reach for the moon - at the very least, you will land among the stars."

It turns out I landed among the stars.

My book club collection of short stories with discussion questions, titled Connections:Parables for Today, was  accepted for publication by Pandora Press. It came out in September, 2013.  In June, I signed with an agent, Carrie Pestritto of Prospect Agency, to represent my mainstream novels and memoir. And this November, I am about to self-publish my science fiction novels.

So here are my five steps to reaching your goals:

1. Set a clear, achievable goal, with a deadline (see my Autumn Challenge).
2. Announce it (maybe not quite as publicly as I did).
3. Determine what you have to do to reach it, and start doing it. Keep doing it. Keep on doing it.
4. Forgive yourself if you miss your deadline and keep doing what you have to do. You may be only a few months away from achieving your goal!
5. Rejoice when you succeed. Set your next goal. 

Here's to success - yours!

Have you met a goal recently? Tell me about it. What were your steps to success?

"I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I do not live."
- Francoise Sagan

Action and reflection, the need to experience and the need to consider - however you put it, these two work best in tandem, each one giving greater depth and meaning to the other.

How has writing made you live better? Has it made you more aware of your emotions and experiences, better able to see them in the larger picture of your life and the world around you?

How have your experiences of life made you a better writer? Is there one experience in particular that has changed or informed you as a writer?

For both of these, I would have to look at my car accident and subsequent PTSD. Being a writer helped me through that experience, helped me to give it some meaning. Experiencing it made me a better writer, with a deeper understanding of people/characters in crisis and a commitment to writing about topics that would be meaningful to readers. Writing a memoir undoubtedly framed that experience, giving it purpose and a conclusion, albeit after the fact. It  also caused a huge change for me as a writer, in genre and writing style. Change is growth.

Writing, or reflecting, helps us to live better - to learn and benefit from our experiences. But without those experiences, without living fully in the moment, our writing is dry and dull and without passion or life.

So why, as writers, do we  feel so guilty when we're out there living instead of writing? Why do we also feel guilty when we tell friends or family that we can't do something because we need time to write? I'd like to say it's all about balance, but darnitall, there is no balance - there's just this crazy, surprising and messy thing called life.

"We can only know others by ourselves."
-Robert Louis Stevenson

I find this quote true is so many ways. We learn empathy through our own experiences. Our triumphs and our failures, our joys and our sorrows all help us to understand others going through similar situations. In many ways the human condition is universal. This is a good thing.

The flip side is that we often judge others by our own standards, not taking into account their different experiences, upbringing, culture and beliefs  In many ways, each individual is unique. This can cause a lot of misunderstanding.

Both of these interpretations has a caveat: story. Story is a vicarious experience we enter into. One that changes and enriches us. One that can make us more empathetic without having experienced a similar event, and broaden our outlook to avoid the misunderstandings that arise from judging others according to our own upbringing. That's why you'll see my logo, "Promoting understanding through story" on the pages of my website.

Another interpretation is that we see in others what we see in ourselves. Have you had someone accuse you of something - lying, jealousy, whatever - and known that they were somewhat deceitful, or jealous, themselves and were assuming everyone else was like them? The criticism we have of others is often an insight into our own flaws.

Today's writing prompt is threefold: Think of a time when an experience you had helped you to understand what someone else was going through, and to help them. Or, think of a time when you made an assumption about someone else that turned out to be wrong. Or, think of a time you criticized someone - was it a true reflection of them, or a veiled reflection of yourself?

We are kept from our goal not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.  - Robert Brault

Is there a time in your past when you chose a lesser, more certain goal instead of a greater but less easily achieved one? Which did you choose? Why? How do you feel about that choice today?

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.
Gilbert K. Chesterton

Do you remember a time in your life when  someone did or gave you something for which you were extremely thankful? Write a short story or scene about it with as much detail as possible. Why was it so important to you at the time? End with a reflection about what it would mean to you now or how you feel about it now.